Due to popular demand (haha), I have used a revive on this blog so that it is alive again. Or more accurately, not dead. Now, if you know anything about Pokemon, you will know that that means this blog is now at half health instead of full health and that the rest of this post will likely be about Pokemon.
On a side note, the reason you died while reading the last post was because something used toxic on your keyboard and you decided to touch all over it with your fingers, so you were poisoned and died. If you cleaned your keyboard more often than one a never, you may not have died. But not that it matters, because knowing things “does not establish the existence of self-awareness of an independent character in animals whose self-awareness is solely a product of external experience” as my kind seventh degree philosopher friend Stuart Smith informs me, in reference to the mirror test (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mirror_test). Which means if you look in the mirror and you conclude that the dead person you see is actually you despite how you clearly remembered being alive right before last losing your consciousness, you may not actually be dead because philosophy doesn’t care what you think.
Actually, more importantly, I just cited Wikipedia. But really, that’s okay, because I heard through the belladonna vine that the highly qualified students over at MIT do it all the time. That, and belladonna has been shown to grow in vines (source: http://staplestaple.wordpress.com/2010/07/24/its-aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive/).
Actually, more importantly, I just cited myself. But really, that’s okay, because if your mind worked in strange ways and if you knew a lot about Pokemon (or were just really damn smart), you would know that belladonna is also known as nightshade, which is a Pokemon move WHICH MEANS WE’RE GETTING BACK TO POKEMON LOL.
So. What of Pokemon you ask. Well, today I’m going to talk to you about Weezing, otherwise known as three joined blobs of something filled with explosive gases and explosive paradoxes. If the gas leak and subsequent explosion don’t make your head asploade, then the paradoxes will.
Anyway, here’s a picture for reference:
Actually, forget about Weezing. Let’s use Koffing instead. Koffing is way cooler, and since Koffing = Weezing/3, the amount of paradox he contains is much more manageable for our tiny paradox-prone brains.
Picture for reference:
Actually, I’ve started four paragraphs in this post with “actually.”
Anyway, I’ve started three So Koffing is supposedly able to float around because it is filled with paradoxes lighter-than-air gases. Which means his density is less than that of air, or approximately 1.2kg/m^3.
However, let’s look at his statistics:
Weight: 1kg
Height: 0.6m
Obviously, we can’t accurately calculate Koffing’s volume because calculus doesn’t exist in the world of Pokemon. So let’s just assume Koffing takes up as much volume as possible, so 0.6m * 0.6m * 0.6m = 0.216m^3. The same volume of air would weigh about 0.26kg, whereas Koffing actually weighs 1kg. In conclusion, Koffing can’t possibly float and is thus no more than a floating, smelly paradox. NO WONDER HE LEARNS EXPLOSION.
To all you Pokemon fans out there, I realize I may have shattered all your dreams about the wonderful world of Pokemon by showing that it cannot possibly exist as commonly described. But that’s okay. Not like you were reading this blog anyway.
But really, if Pokemon were real we’d be overrun by Grimers and Koffings every day because of all the pollution you generate. Aren’t you glad that Pokemon can’t exist because it doesn’t have calculus?
